


Perhaps in the Real World

by Nyvera



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 6'0" to 6'1" female, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BAMF Women, Developing Friendships, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Humor, Kiss Kiss Fall in Love, Long-Term Relationship(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, POV Female Character, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Sexual Tension, Sorry Not Sorry, Tall Female Character, Tall love, Women Being Awesome, character looks like me, i'll update the tags as the story goes on, if it continues, supportive friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 09:24:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15905466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyvera/pseuds/Nyvera
Summary: What more could go wrong in your early college years besides the man you had loved for the last three years dumping you and moving on quicker than you could even fathom, only to end up with him and his new model of girlfriend in your chem lab along with the mysterious Kylo Ren? Well, nothing really. That is about as shitty as it could get for you, but with the help of your friends life will undoubtedly move on and get better, and maybe—just maybe—you might find love again.





	Perhaps in the Real World

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically just your average college AU star wars story that is full of self-indulgence and a lot of promise! I got inspired to write this one day when I had gone through so many other fics and almost wanted to cry at how all of them had short characters even thought the authors claimed that they had no physical descriptions. Which is okay, I get it most women are short but I needed to show a little love for all us tall women out there that are 6'0" or taller. This is not a reader insert so sorry if that is what you wanted, needless to say if you decide to read this I hope you like it as I would honestly love to continue this if not for myself but any one else that happens to enjoy it.
> 
> P.S. The song in this story is not original nor do I own it or lay claim to it in anyway. I am only using it for story purposes in this fictional setting, ALL RIGHTS GO TO Maria Mena and Sony Music Entertainment, Columbia. The song lyrics written in this fic are from Maria Mena's song [Growing Pains](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPdX389kLxI&index=13&list=PLLjqXGlMNrQWQpaLS1MlqfAeLDeoKlxMz&t=0s)

It was the second day of school in your sophomore year of college; the sun was shining unforgivably on your porcelain skin in contrast to your raven locks. Your brown eyes stared into the cup of coffee in front of you—shielded behind your sunglasses—as your friends talked over their summer vacation.

 

“I swear, nothing is more exhilarating than learning how to fly.” the voice of Poe drowned on, his perfect wavy brown hair was as nicely tousled as always, his own brown eyes hidden behind sunglasses as well.

 

“I don’t know, learning to ride horses is—interesting.” Finn responded beside his girlfriend, Rose. His chocolate skin and eyes pleasantly complimenting Roses pale skin and dark hair.

 

“Not to mention we were in Vietnam on my family’s ranch. I swear—out of all the things he can fawn over while being in a foreign country—all he can think to talk about about are the animals.” Rose teased as she nudged Finn lovingly with her shoulder.

 

“Sounds like you guys had a grand ol’ time then.” Rey said sarcastically from beside Poe, her chestnut hair was pulled into her signature three-bun style, “I of course joined the summer dig out in Cancun.” her blue eyes squinted as she looked at the couple with a smile on her face, being an orphan Rey always participated in the archaeology clubs events over the breaks or stayed with you for the most part.

 

Everyone let out a small laugh—including you—but they all managed to avoid asking you how the rest of your summer was. They all knew that Teagan Miles—the love of your life for three years—had broken up with you at the beginning of summer, leaving you a heart-broken mess in the wake of everything else that was going shitty in your life. The rest of your summer was spent traveling on the road in a desperate attempt to keep the blonde haired, blue eyed man away from your thoughts. Most nights you failed miserably and cried into some hotel room pillow.

 

Next to your friends, you stood out amongst their bright colored summer clothes—you always tended to wear black no matter what type of weather it was. To outsiders, you might have seemed intimidating and ‘emo’. Your height never helped with the assumption that you were some sort of secret badass that could kill people with a look, but once people got you talking they realized that you were actually very kind. Not to say that you were some kind of soft hearted push over, but anyone who talked to you tended to like you after that, you never understood people who were just inherently bitchy. But as you sat there surrounded by your energetic and happy friends, you looked like a sad little rain cloud.

 

“So what’s everyone’s class line up this year?” Poe said excitedly as he pulled out his paper sheet with his classes listed.

 

Everyone else pulled theirs out and Rey happily took them in front of her and Poe and started making mental notes aloud, “Looks like me and Nyvera have History and Art together; Me, Poe, and Finn have Calculus; then Nyvera, Rose and Finn have Theater; and lastly looks like Poe and Nyvera have Music as always.”

 

“Alright, looks like a good line up!” Poe’s cheery smile had made you crack a small one when he glanced over at you, your own sunglasses hiding your sorrowful eyes.

 

“Sucks none of you will be in my Chemistry class though.” You said with a huff, you always hated science classes but you were fairly good at chemistry at least. So that’s the one you took to get your science requirement out of the way.

 

“I’m sure you’ll survive.” Rey said as she reached over to pat your shoulder.

 

“Yeah, you got this Nyvera. What’s the worst that could happen?” Finn added in with his own smile as he threw an arm around Rose’s shoulder.

 

“That Kylo guy could be in her class. Last year I had him in my philosophy class and even the professor was terrified of the guy.” Rose said with a small shiver, as if she was remembering something traumatic.

 

“Didn’t he kill someone? I hear he has a record.” Poe said casually, as if he was talking about the weather.

 

“I heard he was a gang leader and is in witness protection.” Finn pitched in, leaning in to whisper it as if it was some big conspiracy.

 

You merely scoffed at the idea as you took a big gulp of your coffee, Rey voiced your own opinion before you could even form a comment, “Guys, I’m sure those are all just rumors. He doesn’t seem like that bad of a guy.”

 

“Exactly.” You said shortly as you pointed your index finger at her in agreement, your coffee sloshing in the cup at the movement.

 

“Those two and their bleeding hearts; you in love with the guy or something?” Poe teased, and Rey shoved him in response with a huge ‘NO!’

 

“I’ve never actually met the guy so I’d rather not talk shit about him.” You said with a shrug of your shoulders, downing the rest of your coffee.

 

“That’s fair, but switching topics—how’s Gwen?” Rose perked up, wanting to obviously change the subject.

 

“She’s good I think, we haven’t had much time to talk with all the activities that girl has under her belt. But I think after my chemistry class this afternoon she set aside some time in her schedule so we can go over our dorms decorations and catch up.” you said, happy to talk about something you were actually looking forward to.

 

You and Gwendolyn Phasma were paired up your freshman year as roomies even though she was already a sophomore, but there was an opening in the most expensive dorms on campus and you jumped at the chance. You had gotten a full ride anyways so you thought you should make the most out of it and save the money you had on the side for more important things. But surprisingly, you two had hit it off immediately, both of you were the tallest girls on campus and you flaunted that shit. Her pale blonde hair and icy blue eyes complemented your dark hair and eyes, even your sense of furniture and color coordination matched when you both had first agreed on the layout of your living room and bathroom. Your bedrooms were a different story though as hers was mostly all white and silver and yours black.

 

“That’s great! We all need to find a time to get together with her; she always has the best stories.” Poe said as he rested his forearms against the table.

 

You simply nodded your head in agreement as you pulled your phone out of your pocket to check the time, nearly jumping out of your skin when you realized you were going to be late for your first chemistry class of the year.

 

“Shit guys, sorry I have to go or I’m gonna be late, Dr. Fitz is gonna have a field day if I waltz into his class late. Text me later yeah?” you said in a rush as you grabbed your bag and rushed off, not even giving your group time to respond before you were running off.

 

You had gotten so caught up in your own self-pity and seeing your best friends again that you didn’t even notice how much time had passed. You were used to having morning classes but unluckily for you the only opening in chemistry was an afternoon class Tuesday and Thursday, leaving the rest of your classes for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. But it was just something you would have to deal with, on the bright side though it would give you time during the day to complete homework and get shit done before class, then you would have the night to yourself and your friends.

 

You were almost to the point of running as you jogged across campus, you always hated running though so you speed walk most of the time, which was pretty much a short persons run. The tall stone building was in sight and you groaned when you read the clock on your phone letting you know that it was 4pm and class had just started, but maybe you would be lucky and Dr. Fitz would be late. You highly doubted it though, the man was extremely punctual. You only knew this because you had taken the written course separately from the lab and the man seemed to take a shine to you since you were the only one to answer his questions.

 

The minute you flew up to the third story and reached the room you had to take a minute to catch your breath. After you had calmed down, you opened the door slowly and peaked your head in; everyone was already in their seats and it sounded like he was calling out peoples names and letting them know who their lab partner would be. You had quietly slipped in, scanning the room for an empty spot as you tried your best to stick out of his line of sight. But of course, that only works for lucky people, and people who were smaller and less obvious.

 

“Ah, Ms. Sharpe, I was wondering when you would show up.” Dr. Fitz said loudly, making you wince and turn to look at the man as he continued scanning his clipboard.

 

“Sorry, Dr. Fitz, I lost track of time.” You said, not bothering to try and come up with a good excuse.

 

“I always appreciated your honesty, go ahead and make your way to the back over there by Mr. Ren, he will be your lab partner since the two of you were the last to show up.” The old grizzled man said with a smile on his face as he finally looked at you and pointed you to the back on the lab room to the last table.

 

You nodded your head as he began to call out the rest of the names, you didn’t even bother to look at your lab partner as you passed by all the familiar faces of the people from your previous chemistry class. Most of them saying a quick and quiet ‘hey’ as you passed, you swiftly sat on your stood and whipped off your bag before freezing at the name the Doctor called out.

 

“Mr. Teagan Miles and Ms. Melissa Jones.” Dr. Fitz voice started to drown out after that, the only thing you could hear was the pounding of your heart hammering in your ears as you looked over your shoulder to the table on the far opposite side of the room where two blondes sat so snugly against each other that it made you sick.

 

Finn just had to fucking jinx you and make this whole situation worse didn’t he? You mocked his words of ‘ _what could possibly go wrong?’_ in your head and cursed the man, your nails bit into your palms as you started to painfully bite down on the inside of your cheek.

 

_Fuck._

 

But that’s when you felt eyes on you, you had forgotten about your lab partner and didn’t even bother to introduce yourself or shake the dude’s hand, you felt like such an asshole. You quickly calmed yourself down and put on a mask of friendliness, your eyes slowly looking up to see two muscular arms leaning on the table, clad in a dark v-neck that clung tightly to the broad chest. Whoever this was was definitely built, and probably a few inches taller than you which was pleasantly surprising most of the time.  Your eyes finally reached the soft jawline and full lips, beauty marks peppered his face, his angular nose a pleasant contrast to his tapered face. Brown eyes and black wavy hair and–HOLY FUCK.

 

**_No._ **

 

_No fucking way is my luck that bad!_

 

There he was in all his brooding glory, staring you down as if he was judging your every movement before his eyes were off you in a flash deciding to stare at everything but you. Your mouth parted slightly, and you had to give a light shake of your head to clear your mind from the shock, your fucking partner was Kylo Ren. Hot damn would your friends have a field day about this, you could just hear them now telling you about how much trouble a guy like him was and to change your schedule while you could, it would all be friendly jokes but if this guy heard them you’re sure it would end badly for you. But you had to try and give this guy a chance right? Or else you would be going back on the words you had only said just minutes ago with your friends.

 

You were running the chances of how your ex-boyfriend and the most notorious guy in school could both be in your lab class, not to mention one of them being your lab partner. You were so lost in thought that you at first didn’t notice the _psst_ being called your way, only looking in the direction of a girl you remembered being named Monica as she threw a ball of paper at you. You gave her a questioning look but she was pointing up at her face where her eyes were, you only then noticed how tinted the whole room seemed to be, you had first thought it was just a dim class room but you then realized you were still wearing your sunglasses. Once you pushed them up onto your head combing your hair back, you had to squint uncomfortably at the bright lights of the lab, once your vision returned you mouthed a thank you to the mocha skinned girl as she gave you a thumbs up and a small smile.

 

You only felt slightly like an even bigger fool than before but at this moment you couldn’t care, your luck was already circling the drain and you could only imagining it going down from here, “Alright, I know you guys are just dying to get your syllabus and be done with this first class of the school year, but today is not that day, as an icebreaker we are all going to complete our first experiment of the year.” Dr. Fitz said cheerfully, only cementing your idea that the day could only get worse, not only did you have to sit the full two hours, but it was amongst your ex you had been desperately trying to forget.

 

Your eyes lifted to examine all the beakers and liquids you assumed you would all be using and the list of instructions in front of you, “This first experiment is a ‘soul potion’ as I like to call it, it is said to analyze your DNA and predict what kind of a person you are through the color the potion changes, kind of like a mood ring. All it takes is these few chemicals and a strand of your hair. After you have all completed it I will go around the room and reveal the color to you and explain what it may say about you, that way the class can get to know you without having to do the ‘what did you do over summer speech.’” Dr. Fitz finished with a smile.

 

Everyone actually seemed excited by the idea and quickly tried to get to work on the experiment; you started to open your mouth to suggest that you and Kylo could do it together but once you saw he was already getting to work on it by himself you quickly threw that idea out the window. Looks like he wasn’t big on the whole ‘partner’ thing, but if that’s how he wanted to do things you could deal with it.

 

You had pretty much breezed through the whole experiment and actually enjoyed watching your hair dissolve into the mixture, it was strange but cool at the same time, all that’s left was for everyone to finish so Dr. Fitz could add the last ingredient and reveal your color. As you took the time to look around the classroom, you were surprised to see that you and Kylo were the only ones already done, most of the class seemed to be only half way finished and others seemed stuck wondering what they did wrong.

 

“Hey, Nyvera!” Monica shouted, her voice caused your head to shoot up and greet her with a smile.

 

“What’s up?” you asked in response as she motioned you over to the table to your left.

 

“Can you help me and Tina? Were stuck on step 7.” She asked with a big pouty lip and puppy dog eyes as she clasped her hands in front of her pleadingly.

 

“If I must,” you teased, standing up to walk over to their table where four girls sat, all of which directed their attention towards you as you went through the steps with them making sure they did everything right.

 

It wasn’t surprising to you that the other girls started asking you questions, they all seemed more of the bubbly cheerleader type which wasn’t a problem but just told you that you would be helping them out a lot in the future as they didn't seem to have a proclivity for chemistry. You had even checked over your shoulder to make sure your partner was okay only to find him scoffing and shaking his head as if he found your pity for the girls to be stupid. You didn’t bother checking on him after that knowing very well this guy wasn’t a people person, but you wouldn’t stop trying to be friendly unless he thought he could physically stop you.

 

After you helped the girls, Dr. Fitz thanked you for the assistance as he was helping other students, but at his praise you didn’t miss the sickly mousey voice of your ex’s newest and latest model of girlfriend mock you, “Wow what a teacher’s pet, no wonder you dumped her.”

 

At her words you had to physically stop yourself from turning around and punching the bitch in her face by clutching to your lab table, your knuckles turned white from the amount of force and your eyes had grown dark as you stared at the table, their laughs echoed in your ears. It took everything you had to sit down and seem unaffected by it all, hearing the warm laugh you used to love so much be directed at you in an attempt of humility. But you pretended not to hear it, as they were the only ones laughing anyway, and Tina’s next words almost made your whole day worth it.

 

“Hey, don’t worry about her Nyvera. The bitches legs are open wider than the Grand Canyon, the only reason she’s on the cheer squad is because her dad paid her way onto the team.” The other blonde said, with a smirk on her face.

 

You had let out a sharp laugh at that, not being able to hold it in, “Thanks, Tina.”

 

“Alright everyone, now for the final ingredient!” Dr. Fitz suddenly announced drawing your attention, holding another clear liquid in his hands and relishing the ‘ooo’s’ and ‘ahhhs’ of his students as the first persons liquid turned an aqua color. As he went around the room Dr. Fitz asked each other’s partner what they think the others color would be from their experience thus far with them, most peoples ranged from blue to green and yellow to pink even the random orange throw in from time to time.

 

Blue being associated with being relaxed and a calm personality and green being active and cheery. Yellow represented a vibrant and creative personality and pink was associated with femininity and passion, orange was described as positive and but also prone to frustration. When Teagan and Melissa’s potions both turned purple you wanted to throw up, representing love, romance and extreme happiness. The way they both looked at each other made you want to walk out or poor their stupid love liquid all over them– _wait_ –fuck, whatever.

 

Lastly, after what seemed like an eternity, Dr. Fitz had finally reached you and Kylo. You didn’t miss the way Dr. Fitz tensed up and his voice was guarded as he asked Kylo what color he thought yours would be, the look Kylo gave him was that of extreme disinterest but also as if he was almost drilling holes into the man.

 

But his voice was something else, as if it rumbled within him before rolling off his tongue, “I don’t know, blue? Pink? That’s what most of the girls are getting, right?”

 

His words kind of stuck a cord with you–and not in the good way–you didn’t even bother to hold back the glare you directed at him, not that he was looking at you anyway but you hoped he felt it nonetheless. But the doctor seemed to come to your defense, “People can surprise you, Mr. Ren.” His calm voice said as he looked at Kylo apprehensively.

 

Kylo simply scoffed and mumbled, “Hardly.” before looking away and crossing his arms over his chest.

 

Dr. Fitz merely cleared his throat and turned to you, waiting for your answer, “I’d say red, he seems like the strong, self-centered angry jack-ass type, full of rage and daddy issues.” you said bluntly as you looked at the man in front of you, his head whipped towards yours so fast, his eyes glared back into yours as if he could have set you on fire by just thinking about it hard enough.

 

You could of sworn he was about to leave that minute but Dr. Fitz quickly pored the liquid into Kylo’s flask and it turned red, your face turned into a victorious smirk but it quickly faded when the flask in front of you turned black. You always liked black but was it seriously that ingrained into your DNA? Did this finally prove your friends right, that your soul was as black as your heart?

 

Kylo’s face even seemed confused as he forgot about his agitation for a moment before he was back to his seethed appearance, Dr. Fitz was quick to explain as everyone started whispering, “Black is rare but tends to describe someone who is tense and stressed,  also someone who is rather mysterious.” At his words you sagged a bit, knowing very well just how stressed you were.

 

All you could do after that was stare into the dark inky vial, even as Dr. Fitz had welcomed everyone to the class and dismissed them, “Something I can do for you, Miss Sharpe?” Dr. Fitz voice sounded from next to you, shaking you from your mind.

 

“Actually, would you mind if I kept a small vial of this sir?” you asked as you looked up at the graying man.

 

“Sure I don’t see why not; think of it as a thank you for helping those girls out today and not throwing a fit about being paired up with Mr. Ren.” The Doctor's voice had a tone of apology to it as he poured the liquid into a small vial and handed it to you.

 

“Thanks sir and it’s no problem. I have a brother and I’m sure I’ve dealt with worse.” You said with a small smile.

 

Dr. Fitz laughed at that and waved you out with another ‘thank you’ as you grabbed your bag and left. The warm sun was gentle on your skin as you made your way to your dorm room, your sunglasses had slid back onto your face as you walked, not wanting to meet the eyes of anyone you passed till you made it to your dorm. For the first time today, you were lucky that you didn’t run in to anyone and made it back without another thing to ruin your day. The minute you walked in, it felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders as you tossed your bag into your room and walked back into the living room to throw yourself down on the couch, looking at the black vial in your hands.

 

“Rough day?” the voice of Gwen had rung out, which caused a smile to spread across your face.

 

“You can say that again, Teagan and the infamous Kylo Ren are in my chem lab. Not to mention the said-to-be serial killer is my lab partner.” you groaned out.

 

“Wow, yeah then you’ve had a pretty shit day.” Gwen said as she lifted your feet onto her lap as she sat down on the couch.

 

“Tell me about it.” you said dramatically as you threw a hand over your face.

 

“You know what a rough day calls for?” Gwen said with a tone of mischief in her voice.

 

You squinted at the woman between your fingers, “What?” you said with a wary voice, as if she was about to suggest something truly crazy.

 

“Drinks. My committee is holding a small party/fundraiser tonight to support local musicians. Mostly it’s just an excuse for us to have some free music while we future politicians talk shop.” Gwen said with a evil grin.

 

“You devious woman, I don’t know though Gwen…” doubt pulled at your voice; you had really just wanted to sleep for a year and magically hope that your body would be on autopilot the whole time.

 

“Come on, it will be great, and I already invited your whole gang and they all said yes so you have to come!” Gwen said as she quickly got up and made her way to her room, probably to get ready.

 

“Wow, you’re going with the guilt trip routine. You know I have nothing other than black to wear, and you always complain about it when we go out.” You said desperately, trying to weasel your way out.

 

Without another moment passed, something landed on your stomach causing you to jump, looking down you picked it up and held it up in front of you. It was a deep red high collared-sleeveless corset top you had only seen Gwen wear once, and you couldn’t help the small smile that formed on your face. The woman had always thought of everything and could always best you when it came to her small game of wits.

 

“You win this time you foul temptress.” You teased as you went to your room to get changed, sliding on a pair of skin tight black jeans with a multi strapped belt that hugged your hips before zipping up the front of the top. You'd even went all out on your make-up and curled your hair, pulling it into a half updo.

 

When you looked into the mirror even you had liked what you saw, the whole outfit showed off your figure but not in the ‘ _I’m a horny college kid looking to get laid!’_ way. More of the ‘ _I’m a sexy badass woman that could probably kill you if you got too close.’_ kind of look.

 

“Damn Nyvera, I haven’t seen you dress like that since-“ Gwen stopped herself before saying his name.

 

“Teagan.” You finished for her, “It’s alright Gwen, if I’m ever going to start the process of letting go I don’t need people walking on eggshells around me.”

 

Gwen simply nodded her head in understanding and laced her arm through yours, she had three inches on you but you loved it, you both looked like dangerous women and you would have it no other way. Especially when Gwen donned her famous chrome look, she looked so regal that you felt honored to be able to call her a friend.

 

It wasn’t a surprise when she led you to the fanciest bar in town and that the place had been rented out for Gwen’s committee and those they had invited, once you entered you were greeted by such lush décor you thought you could never afford to come here regularly. But once you spotted your friends the thought washed away at their smiling faces all standing around the bar laughing.

 

“Oh go on, this is a night to have fun. I’ll see you in a bit okay?” Gwen said as she nudged you towards your friends.

 

You had given her a small wave before slowly going over to the bar, squeezing in between Poe and Rey, “So what have I missed?”

 

The minute Poe looked at you and choked on his beer you couldn’t help but let out a huge laugh while everyone looked at you with slack jaws, “Nyvera you look so-“ Rey started, pausing as her brain tried to find the right word.

 

“Gorgeous.” Poe finished, looking you up and down before grabbing your hand and giving you a twirl.

 

“Thank you!” You said to everyone with a cheery grin on your face as they complimented you, “You all look rather nice as well.”

 

Poe was in a dark red button down shirt and nice jeans, Rey was sporting cream colored layered top and brown leggings with boots, Finn opted for a dark blue button down with black jeans and Rose matched him in a navy blue dress. People could say what they wanted about your group but damn did you all clean up good. Once the initial shock of seeing you in something other than straight up black had left their minds, Poe quickly ordered you a drink and you all began to enjoy the night. It wasn’t a surprise when you heard Poe’s name being announced on stage, and he gave you and Rey both a quick kiss on the cheek for luck as he rushed off, his guitar gleaming against the spotlights as he had put on his million watt smile that drove most women crazy and started to play.

 

You always enjoyed Poe’s playing, and to be honest when you were both singing together and you accompanied him on the piano, people always went silent to listen. You had mentioned to Rey about how you were enjoying Poe’s new song and about to ask what she had thought of it but when you turned to look at her she was distracted by something else, you quickly followed her gaze and saw it transfixed on someone you did not expect to see at a place like this.

 

_Kylo._

 

Of fucking course it he to be him. The universe couldn’t let you end a shitty day with a great night after all, had to creep up and remind you of all the shit that went down in the last few hours just for fun to watch you squirm. It was odd to see him in a black button down shirt, but the guy was still sporting black jeans and boots giving him the overall bad boy look he was known for. But what drew your attention most was the way Rey was staring at him, as if she was lost in the stars.

 

You lightly nudged the small woman, “Earth to Rey.” you said, earning a jump from her as her eyes finally found yours.

 

“What?” Rey said with rosy cheeks.

 

“See something you like other than Poe’s guitar playing I’m guessing?” you teased, enjoying the twisted look of disgust that appeared on her face at the insinuation.

 

“Wha—no! I would never—how could you think that I-“ Rey stumbled, her words quickly tumbled from her mouth as if she couldn’t formulate a coherent thought.

 

“You know I’m just teasing you, but I have to admit he’s not hard on the eyes.” You said with a smirk as her cheeks grew even redder.

 

“Now I know you ladies must be talking about me.” Poe’s voice sounded from beside you as he grabbed the last of your drink and chugged it down, letting out a deep exhale, “So, how did you like the song?”

 

It seemed Poe’s words shook Rey from her stupor as she started commenting about the parts she probably managed to hear amongst all her raging angst. But the topic change didn’t last for long as Finn had to point out the looming dark figure sat by himself in a booth in the corner, “Holy shit is that Kylo Ren?”

 

“Hot damn! Your right, Finn I dare you to go say hi.” Poe said as he had nudge Finn in Kylo’s direction.

 

“Are you crazy?! The dude would probably kill me with his mind.” Finn said, as small sliver of genuine fear laced his voice.

 

Well, you decided if any time was as good it would be this, “I think he tried to do that to me in our chem lab but the poor guy failed.”

 

Everyone’s heads whipped around to look at you, their eyes going wide at your words, “Yeah, lil ol’ me gets to be grump’s chem lab partner. I tried to give the guy a chance but he sure has a hell of a large stick up his ass.”

 

“You’re shitting me right?” Poe’s voice was serious, looking at you as if he was waiting for the punchline.

 

“Deadly. Oh and did I mention my ex and his bimbo girlfriend are in it too?” You said simply as ordered another drink as the next performer went on stage.

 

Everyone was quiet after that. An awkward silence hung over everyone as if it dared someone to break it, Rose it seemed, felt brave enough, “That’s some terrible luck on the first day of classes.”

 

You laughed darkly at that, “Tell me about it.”

 

You all exchanged more small talk as the night had gone on, and you slowly started to feel your body relax as your laughter echoed around your small group as they shared their own stories of the days events. But before anyone could say anything else, a glint of chrome had caught your eye and the sight of a grand piano rolled into view on stage, Gwen’s eyes caught yours in the crowd. You had a sickening feeling in your stomach when that devious smirk spread across her face and her words made your stomach drop, “I’m gonna need everyone’s help for the last song of the night, she’s not on the performers list but I hoped if I managed to drag her here tonight she would indulge her dear friends with a song I know she’s been writing for weeks now.”

 

Your friend’s all turned to look at you, their own smiles coming to their faces, “I see you Nyvera, no use hiding when both of us are taller than most people here, come on! Don’t make me beg.”

 

You were frozen on the spot, you didn’t know what to do as your throat ran dry and your body went cold, you didn’t even process all the hands that wrapped around you pushing you forward till your feet hit the stairs leading up to the stage, Gwen was quick to get a grip on your arm as she practically dragged you up as your head whipped around wildly. All you could do was shake your head no as she started pushing you to the piano, “Come on we all want to hear you sing! Please? See I’m even begging and everyone knows I don’t do that.” Gwen said earning a laugh from the crowd.

 

You could hear the voices of people you knew and even strangers cheering you on, you finally shook your head at the pouty lipped woman beside you and let a nervous smile come to your face, “Okay, one song but that’s it!”

 

There were plenty of cheers once you relented but it didn’t ease your nerves, you never sang in front of a crowd alone, the only people to actually hear you sing by yourself was your group of friends and Gwen. In music class you had always sung with Poe and focused more on playing the piano, you had terrible stage fright but maybe you needed this. What better way to end a shitty day than to be force to face one of your fears right? But every bone in your body screamed at you not to do this, especially the song you were about to play that only Gwen had known about. It was about your break up with Teagan and the whole thing had still felt raw, but maybe that would help.

 

Finally, you forced your body to move, the sound of your heartbeat thumping away in your ears started to dull when you sat down and hit the first key:

 

 _No one will tell you about the limit_  
_They put on how long you can grieve_  
_No one will warn you when you're winning_ _  
How heavy a loss love can be_

 

You voice was steady as you hit each key perfectly, the somberness in your voice coming through with the raw feelings. You closed your eyes in a desperate attempt to calm your nerves, scared that if you opened them the tears you were holding back would slip down your face.

 

 _They do not tell you about the friendships_  
_You'll lose once the lights are dimmed down_  
_How humble you'll feel about your past bliss_  
_Once the tables are turned around_  
  
_But I wanna tell you I got through_  
_The hardest of times on my own_  
_I made some mistakes, I made a few_  
_But I've learned that I am strong_  
  
_And just because it hurts_  
_Doesn't mean it isn't worth it_  
_And even if it stings_  
_It's just a temporary thing_  
_I'm not saying that changing_  
_Won't cost you love, won't make you cry,_  
_But it will all make sense..._ _  
When the growing pains subside_

  


Your anger started to come through, your eyes snapping opened as your fingers glided against the keys with more of a rage filled passion, it was if the crowd had melted away and you were alone with your feelings. Finally letting them free, and letting the fire within you burn to an all time high.

 

 _Nothing can shield you from the silence_  
_Nights spent on his side of the bed_  
_Praying for help to please stop crying_  
_My life just got turned on its head_  
  
_They fail to explain how complex love is..._  
_Like why I mostly miss him as a friend_  
_Or how big of a blow, it was for my ego_  
_That she might be better for him..._  
  
_But I wanna tell you I got through_  
_The hardest of times on my own_  
_I made some mistakes, I made a few_  
_But I learned that I am strong_  
  
_And just because it hurts_  
_Doesn't mean it isn't worth it_  
_And even if it stings_  
_It's just a temporary thing_  
_I'm not saying that changing_  
_Won't cost you love won't make you cry,_  
_But it will all make sense..._  
_When the growing pains subside_  
  
_And just because it hurts_  
_Doesn't mean it isn't worth it_  
_And even if it stings_  
_It's just a temporary thing_  
_And no one says that changing_  
_Won't cost you love won't make you cry,_  
_But it will all make sense..._ _  
When the growing pains subside_

 

As you ended, you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, everything was becoming ragged and hazy as the high of your performance was coming down. Then the silence was broken as a round of cheers and applause and tear soaked eyes reached your vision, but you could feel something—no _someone's_ gaze burning into you. Your eyes met his from across the room, Kylo’s eyes bore into your’s as if he felt every single emotion you had laid out before him. But you couldn’t handle it, your senses where on fire and you had to get out of there, you were going to be sick. Without a second thought you got up and ran off the stage making your way towards the women’s restroom and barely making it before you puked the contents of your stomach up.

 

Rey it seemed was right behind you, pulling back your hair and rubbing soothing circles into your back as you shakily flushed the toilet and whipped your mouth. You didn’t have the will to stand up and remained on the floor sobbing into the girls shoulder as she smoothed back your hair.

 

“Nothing’s gonna harm you, not while I’m around. You hear me?” Rey said soothingly, gently laying her cheek onto the top of your head.

 

“I love you, Rey.” You whispered between the broken sobs, you could only imagine how much of a mess you looked like.

 

“Let’s get her out of here.” Poe had charged his way into the bathroom not even pausing before he helped you up and supported your weight against him.

 

It was as if your group immediately knew what to do as they crowded around you and blocked you from prying eyes and anyone trying to get to you or let you know how much they enjoyed your singing. Rushing you to the door and into Poe’s car as they all crowded in and sat smooshed in the back seat to allow you space in the front. All you wanted to do was curl up into a ball and cry yourself to sleep, to pretend you didn’t just ruin this whole night for all of your friends.

 

“I’m sorry guys.” Your hoarse voice whispered into the silent car.

 

Immediately they all bombard you with reasons as to why you shouldn’t be sorry and that they were the assholes who made you go up there in the first place, “It was my decision guys, and to be honest it felt good. But, I miss him.”

 

You words made their hearts ache as they watched you look out the passenger side window, the street lights illuminating the wet streaks your tears had left behind on your cheeks. How did someone like you deserve kind caring people like this? You continued to ask yourself that as they walked you up to your apartment and fished out your keys from your tight jeans as Poe supported your weight. When he lowered you down to your bed Finn took off your shoes as Rose and Rey got you some sleep clothes.

 

“Of course the dark princess has a four poster canopy bed, complete with black silk sheets and curtains.” Poe teased, moving back your hair before placing a kiss on your forehead.

 

“We will see you tomorrow bright and early with breakfast alright?” Finn said, giving your foot a squeeze before he let go.

 

You sniffed at that lightly whipping your eyes before saying, “With tea?”

 

Everyone laughed at that, “Only the best for the princess.” Poe said with a wink before he closed the door behind him, letting Rey and Rose help you change before they left as well.

 

You heard Gwen come in shortly after, having asked what happened before they explained everything and promptly left afterwards. It wasn’t long till Gwen had went to her own room and got ready for the night, the sound of some soft music drifted from her room.  Gwen knew that when you felt emotionally vulnerable you needed your space. You couldn't help but smile though as the song she put on was one of the pieces you had let her record of you playing the piano, your tears had long since dried at that point. You had even loss track of time as you stared out your window to the full moon as it had bled its light into your room.

 

New things were on the horizon, and you were ready for a change.


End file.
